Dear VOW - Why does budget planning and discussing finances cause so much tension in relationships?

Finances are personal and when it comes to revealing your money habits and attitudes, sometimes it is a very uncomfortable thing to discuss. Effective communication skills are necessary to successfully maneuver your way through financial concerns. Remember to listen, to understand and not judge your spouse as you discuss financial concerns. You do not have to agree with everything that your partner says, but the two of you do need to agree to be respectful. Something to keep in mind to help relieve tension, is to remember that you and your spouse are on the same team. Instead of focusing on your differences, focus your attention on goal setting. Map out a written plan to help reach agreed upon goals, such as paying off credit card debt, saving for a special vacation, or setting up an emergency savings account.

Dear VOW - As the wife, I handle all the finances for our family. However, I sometimes wish my husband could share that responsibility. What is a good way to both be involved in our finances, instead of one person being responsible for it all?

Regardless of who handles your finances, both should be involved. You might consider electing whoever has the best ability to handle finances to be the one that leads up the efforts. If you possess those skills and find yourself doing most of the financial duties, find ways to involve your spouse more. This could be letting the other person write the checks, help devise a plan for the order in which bills are to be paid, or simply reviewing where money has gone during a certain timeframe. Involving both partners also provides you with the knowledge necessary to make sound financial decisions together.

Dear VOW - My fiancé and I are starting to discuss how we should handle our finances once we are married. One decision that we are having a hard time making, is whether we should set up joint or separate checking accounts. Which option would you recommend for a married couple?

Both choices could work—depending on your temperaments. The key to success in this area is open and honest communication. Without knowing a lot of details about your particular situation, I would suggest you first start by asking what reservations you each have about either option. It is important that all concerns or uncertainties be investigated and elaborated upon before this decision is made. Some of these questions may include:

• Do your partner’s spending habits concern you? If so, why?
• Do you feel that your partner has money secrets?
• Do you feel comfortable letting your partner handle your finances independently? Why or why not?
• Do you feel that your partner would try to control the money?

If, after you have openly discussed any reservations that may be present, you still have not arrived at a solution, consider handling your finances both ways. Try combining resources one month, and separating them the next—just remember, open and honest feedback is needed after each experiment to determine which way will work best for you.

Schrundagale Griffith

Schrundagale currently serves as a marriage coordinator for the program, and oversees eight different counties. She partners with her husband Anthony, working with couples to strengthen their relationships. Schrundagale has been married to Anthony for 12 happy years, and has five children at home. They both accredit their greatest accomplishment to modeling a healthy marriage for their children to emulate, leaving a lasting legacy for years to come.