Dear VOW - Between raising kids, soccer practice and our busy lives, how do we make the most out of the little time we have alone as a married couple?

Start with managing the time you do have alone. We all get caught up in busy work (doing something constantly) that can wait. Every moment that you have together should be spent wisely. You need to be proactive in planning your time together. Turn off distractions such as TV, the computer and work. Go for a walk or sit on the porch and watch the sunset. Taking time each day to share the day’s events and to connect with each other is essential. Affectionate gestures are also very important. It’s time to remind yourself how important small affectionate gestures can be.

Just saying “Good Morning” or even cuddling under the covers starts the day off right. Try setting your alarm 5 minutes earlier or ask “How was your day?” as your spouse arrives home from a hard day of work. Surprise him/her with a candle light dinner. These are the little building blocks of intimacy. A few small gestures go a long way!

Dear VOW - How do we resolve disagreements in marriage about how to raise or even discipline our children?  Our parenting styles are so different.

Keep your relationship a priority, because this is for the good of the family as a whole.  Parents must present a united front when it comes to rules, discipline and discussions that will affect their children’s future.  Tips to achieving this are:

• You must frequently discuss discipline and parenting styles with your spouse.
• Never disagree about your children in front of them.
• Sit down with an open mind, and discuss the way you were both raised and your parents’ rules and discipline styles.
• Then pick out the things you like about your spouse’s parents’ parenting styles and use the 10 Steps To Resolving Conflict (visit wevownow.com for the list of 10 Steps) and agree on an idea or ideas to try.
• Afterwards, sit down with your child(ren) and share with them your intentions for them.

Dear VOW - My fiancé and I both have children from a previous marriage.  What is the best way to adjust to a new marriage, new stepchildren and starting our lives together?

First of all, you must agree on a few important decisions:  Where will we live?  How will we handle our finances?  Who will discipline?  Couples should discuss the role each stepparent will play in raising their respective children, as well as changes in household rules that may be in order.  Here are a few good tips:

Set up a relationship with the children in which the stepparent is more like a friend than a disciplinarian.
Let the biological (custodial) parent remain primarily responsible for control and discipline of the children until the stepparent has developed a solid bond with them.

Discuss the rules with the children and then post them in a prominent place.  This way the stepparent is removed from the custodial parent-stepparent-stepchild triangle, because he or she is simply following the house rules, rather than acting like a policeman.

Kathy Weeks

VOW Marriage Education Coordinator, Kathy Weeks, believes happiness starts at home. A graduate of Texas Women’s University, she received a B.S. in Early Childhood/Child Development with a Minor in Business. She incorporates her passion for people and strong family values into her role as a VOW Coordinator for Upshur and Camp County. Kathy is married and has three children.